Wednesday, March 7, 2012

On Mothers and Their Sick Children

I am sitting here debating taking the bus to pick up some bullshit items at the grocery store. Under normal circumstances I would not put this up for debate so heavily. Do I have the time? Check. Is the weather nice? Check. Bonus points for my mp3 player being fully charged so I do not have to interact with my fellow human kind.
Check Check Check.

However, these are not normal circumstances. I have been horrendously ill since mid-November and have only seen real progress in the last month. First was the surgery, which was expected. It was immediately followed by Mystery Illness! that was subsequently followed by C.diff and dealing with the hell of getting rid of that. Now it's a metric shit ton of collected fluid in my abdomen, which I have slowly but steadily been pissing out. Hurray. I'm not 100%. I'd say I'm about 85%-90%. This is the healing homestretch and these next couple of weeks are crucial.
So I understand that with what is unquestionably the Worst Healing Time Ever to date in my life, my mother, always in Lioness Mode, has set her phaser to SMOTHER.

But I gots to get shit done.
Shit includes running errands, which I was previously forced to wait for her to have the time to chauffeur me around to accomplish. I had no problem when I felt like shit and couldn't walk down our staircase without feeling winded. Times are changing though and I am not just in need of getting back on my two feet but I am going stir crazy! I need to get out, for my own mental well being.
Trust me, no one is more capable of sitting on her ass and watching Dog the Bounty Hunter for ten hours straight, but I can self-discipline myself now using the unspent energy I have to do what I need to get done. Even if it's just running to the grocery store for some ingredients for dinner.

Maybe some of you Chronic Illness Kittens will understand. I respect my mothers concern for me not wanting to be out on public transportation and exposing myself to all of those nasty germs...but I now need her to respect my bid for independence (so little that I have of it anyway) and allow me to let her go as well. She needs to not plan her weekends around me, her tiresome evenings after work that even when she does fit in a trip to the gym she now has to pop in at the store with only items for me so I can cook. I am perfectly capable of doing these things.

I'm not cutting the apron strings entirely (that would require money I do not currently earn) but loosening them a bit with the promise she can tighten them up come next bought of illness. Because there will be a next time. There always is.

And Lion Mom will be there to swaddle me up, make me a cup of tea and run to Trader Joe's for kimchi and beer.

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