Thursday, August 22, 2013

An email to the Past

I am preparing for my 13th session of Camp ~ 13 sessions in 10 years. Oy that's a lot. 

This year is Superheroes and I am unfortunately too piss poor to go all out with costumes and decorations. In my heart, though, I know I am the biggest geek counselor there. I just know someone is going to throw down with me and I'm gonna have to school them some Batman. 

Anyway. Today I found the email address of my childhood cardiologist. Well, one of them. The best one. The cardiologist whom which I hold all other cardiologists against. He set the standard, and he set that bar very high. So high I did not think anyone would ever be able to reach it. 

But someone did.

After switching cardiologists a few years ago, I have not felt as confident or trusting since Dr. S - the childhood cardiologist. Dr. J, my current cardiologist, has finally allowed me to sit back and breathe a sigh of relief nearly twenty years in the making. Dr. J meets that high standard of which I hold all cardiologists - the bar that so many failed to grasp throughout my adolescence and young adulthood. He grabbed the bar, did a triple backflip and landed with a half-twist and a high-five. All while snapping a selfie to post on Facebook.

Back to the email. 

I shared the thoughts I'd been carrying in my heart for two decades; how much love and respect I developed in my heart, all those years that Dr. S was tinkering with it. How I learned to ask questions and communicate efficiently with my medical team. I told him what he meant to me - his impact on my life, that it went beyond the simplification of "you saved my life" although that is true, but obvious.


I was overcome with my emotion as I typed that email, and tears blurred my vision. Though these were words I wanted to say to his face, I had missed my opportunity to do so last October and am unsure if our paths will have the chance to cross again. 

Due to complications of my hypothyroid, I have short term memory issues and cannot recall if I had, in actuality, emailed him before now. I may come off as a lunatic if I had, but the saving grace of deja vu is that at least he knows for sure. Plus, blogging about this milestone now will ensure I need not second guess myself later.

Memory lapse aside, I hope Dr. S receives my email (for the first time) and that it brings a smile and maybe a chuckle to his face. Contacting him after all of these years gives me a sense of closure and peace. 

TEAM RACHAEL! and I are going to be together for a very long time (sorry, guys, you're stuck with me) and Dr. J, not ten years my senior, is going to give that first battle cry against any complications that attempt to besiege my good health from here on out. 

Dr. S gave me more than life - he gave me the love and respect to handle my life. To settle for nothing but the best care, to ask questions, to be involved. To participate in life. My life.

Thanks, Doc.