Friday, May 13, 2011

Raging Waters (of my body)

Anyone else a slave to their diuretic? Afraid to leave their home in case they have to pull over and use every other nasty-ass gas station bathroom when all you want to do is run some goddamn errands? Or worse, you're trying to have a nice day with your friends or loved one and every time they're in the middle of something tender and sentimental you jump up and say, "Hold that thought, I gotta pee."

Seriously. When TEAM RACHAEL! told me that I had to start taking an extra - not even my first - diuretic during the day I was like, "WTF, mates? You think just because I work from home I don't go out of my Bat cave every once in while, just to make sure the zombie apocalypse hasn't happened? What happens if the zombies see me and as soon as I start to run I have to dive into some bushes to take a leak? Then they'll find me and eat me. Good going, TEAM RACHAEL! you're fired."

I mean, really. I'm trying to make a career for myself as an awesome travel, food & event writer (plus ebooks. Coming soon to wherever ebooks are sold) How will I look to my clients if I'm pissing every five nano seconds when I need to be snapping pictures or looking pretty for a camera, huh? I'll look unprofessional and like I'm pissing out last nights whiskey binge that's what.

Don't get me wrong, I love TEAM RACHAEL! and I trust them to know what's best for me (within reason) but I feel like they're so wrapped up in SAVING LIVES that they forget that I actually have a fucking life outside of their office and I cannot just STOP my entire life anymore than I already have so I can be near The Can.

Yeah, yeah, yeah I realize I need to take this pill so that I can relieve the fluid from my body and my I'll take it, but only when I am just bumming around the house and don't have to worry about getting out of my PJs before four pm.
Don't envy me. I live with my mom.

Wow. I have tackled female sterilization, mortality, and now massive urination. Rock on.

Excuse me, I have to use the restroom.


  1. You could write about the different bathrooms you encounter all over the world!

  2. Nah. It'd be just this long list of me complaining how I always manage to pick the stall with the broken purse hook.

  3. I always pick the stall in which some a-hole decided to spray the toilet seat like a cat in heat. Thankfully my Lasix is as needed. I have to admit, I enjoy it on the days I wanna look thinner- nothing like peeing off 3-5 lbs in two hours! :)