Friday, May 13, 2011

Raging Waters (of my body)

Anyone else a slave to their diuretic? Afraid to leave their home in case they have to pull over and use every other nasty-ass gas station bathroom when all you want to do is run some goddamn errands? Or worse, you're trying to have a nice day with your friends or loved one and every time they're in the middle of something tender and sentimental you jump up and say, "Hold that thought, I gotta pee."

Seriously. When TEAM RACHAEL! told me that I had to start taking an extra - not even my first - diuretic during the day I was like, "WTF, mates? You think just because I work from home I don't go out of my Bat cave every once in while, just to make sure the zombie apocalypse hasn't happened? What happens if the zombies see me and as soon as I start to run I have to dive into some bushes to take a leak? Then they'll find me and eat me. Good going, TEAM RACHAEL! you're fired."

I mean, really. I'm trying to make a career for myself as an awesome travel, food & event writer (plus ebooks. Coming soon to wherever ebooks are sold) How will I look to my clients if I'm pissing every five nano seconds when I need to be snapping pictures or looking pretty for a camera, huh? I'll look unprofessional and like I'm pissing out last nights whiskey binge that's what.

Don't get me wrong, I love TEAM RACHAEL! and I trust them to know what's best for me (within reason) but I feel like they're so wrapped up in SAVING LIVES that they forget that I actually have a fucking life outside of their office and I cannot just STOP my entire life anymore than I already have so I can be near The Can.

Yeah, yeah, yeah I realize I need to take this pill so that I can relieve the fluid from my body and my liver...so I'll take it, but only when I am just bumming around the house and don't have to worry about getting out of my PJs before four pm.
Don't envy me. I live with my mom.

Wow. I have tackled female sterilization, mortality, and now massive urination. Rock on.

Excuse me, I have to use the restroom.

3 comments:

  1. You could write about the different bathrooms you encounter all over the world!

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  2. Nah. It'd be just this long list of me complaining how I always manage to pick the stall with the broken purse hook.

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  3. I always pick the stall in which some a-hole decided to spray the toilet seat like a cat in heat. Thankfully my Lasix is as needed. I have to admit, I enjoy it on the days I wanna look thinner- nothing like peeing off 3-5 lbs in two hours! :)

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