Yes, atrocious upkeep. My apologies. I always mean to get back to this blog, but something always holds me back. Whether it is forgetfulness (a good 40% of why I do not post), laziness (I'd say another 40%), or fearfulness (the remaining 20%), there really is no good excuse.
The fearfulness may come as a shock to some of you, perhaps. I do hold quite the illusion of being incomparable to the perils of fear and insecurities when it comes to discussing my health. Truthfully, the visit to Philadelphia and my tour of the Children's Hospital of Philly (not coincidentally when this blog fell silent) really shook me up. I have made several attempts to adequately describe what went on, and how I felt, but all of them have fell rather flat. I might make one more attempt. I hope - for the sake of the lovely PR woman who organized that whole thing for me - that I pull through.
The fear that holds me back from updating this blog so often, and being so open, is that I will share too much of myself with the world. Telling you about my health is not always telling you about me. In fact, it most assuredly is not telling you about me much at all. I put on a very good show for everyone, get a few laughs hopefully, and move on. Take a bow. A few air kisses. Applause, applause. The end.
You don't see me. It's all a slight of hand. Or words, rather.
Anyway, I will give you the most recent update:
I am at a junction in life right now and I am trying to decide which path to travel down.
The first is Responsibility: To forgo any travel plans and have my pacemaker surgery, thus giving up the next three months to recovery time.
The second is Travel: I recently found out that I may travel up to 60 days out of the country. Why I was not told this originally, and why I was too lazy/scared to find out this info last year is not something I want to dwell on; what matters is I can go, I want to go and I want to be out of here as often and as long as money will permit. I had planned on going to a couple of countries - through helpx.net - and the one family I was very much hoping to stay with never replied. Sadness. I lost a bit of momentum for my sojourn, but I still would like to go.
So the question is: Do I go and have another adventure, or do I stay and be responsible? Get my pacemaker changed so I do not have to worry about it crapping out on me in another country; or go now while I have a good chunk of time? I am also a Maid of Honor for a wedding next August; I feel if I postpone my trip until next year, I will be putting my friend through some stress she ought not to go through alone as I am one of the key planners.
There are many Pros and Cons for either decision, and with a recent bout in the hospital I am finding especially pressed for an end to this. TEAM RACHAEL! has given me the all-clear to travel, and they are leaving the ultimate choice to me.
On one hand, I feel patience is a virtue and more money and energy will be accumulated for a trip in 2014. On the other hand, I am weary of being home, and I feel I should seize any opportunity that comes my way.