Friday, December 30, 2011

Mystery No More

Tests were reordered.
I got the call this morning that I've been harboring C Diff, an infection of the colon, all of this time.
Are you fucking kidding me? I could have died from this shit. Like, if we had just gone on all merrily tra la la OH IT'LL PASS RIGHT THROUGH YOU like we've been for the last you know FIVE WEEKS my kidneys probably would have eventually failed and I would've died. Or something. Maybe. They gave me antibiotics in the hospital and I was no longer dehydrated - BUT I WAS AT ONE POINT.

So this is how part of my conversation went with the doctor:

Doctor: "Soooo....about the flagyl I'm perscribing. Uhm. I don't know what your plans are for tomorrow, but this antibiotic doesn't mix well with alcohol. If you consume a lot of alcohol tomorrow there is a good chance your face will turn red, you will break out into a heavy sweat and become nauseous."

Me: " I don't...okay."

Doctor: "Yeah, I don't know what your plans were..."

Me: "Well, it definitely involved drinking but..."

Doctor: "If you have, say, a mixed drink it shouldn't be too bad because it's diluted but if you suddenly go red in the face, you know why."

Me: "Good to know so I won't run to urgent care."

Doctor: "Yeah."

Me: "Well, I wasn't planning on drinking a lot anyway, just one or two drinks..."

Doctor: "That...should be...okay."

As soon as we hung up I informed everyone that I would be starting the antibiotic on Sunday.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Slow as moleasses

This recovery has been brutally slow and even painful. I knew to anticipate a couple of weeks, even a month, worth of discomfort, but I am pushing close upon six weeks and my body is still warped and out of proportion. It has kind of sucked the motivation out of me to do anything - work, blogging, going out or basically doing anything other than rotting my brains on TV and Netflix.

The level of discomfort is astounding. Imagine your belly swells twice (or more) the size it is now, stretching your skin as far as it can humanly go, your veins bulging, your organs pushed against the walls inside and all the while it feels like you ate your way through a Las Vegas buffet. Oh, and speaking of eating and drinking, no matter how hungry you are, you won't be able to eat much because of the fullness.

That's what my life is right now.

It's not pretty and it's certainly not at all comfortable.

So if I'm not up on my usual funny and witty banter you know why.